damianpants-optional funerals
July 20th 2008 11:51
In my last post I pointed out what I believe to be the folly of viewing death with fear and suspicion. I would like to follow up on this by looking specifically at the issue of funerals and why we feel the need for these to be such damn unhappy occasions.
The obvious response, I guess, is that humans naturally find loss difficult to deal with. Whether it is our spouse, parent, sibling, friend, dog, cat, rabbit or even our favourite jumper, we all find it difficult to cope without something that has previously been a large part of our life. But, callous as it seems to suggest this, perhaps grief is not always the best way of addressing loss. Sure, you may have enjoyed the company of the person who died, and they may have meant a lot to you, but no amount of grief will bring them back. Moreover, do you really think that the person who died would prefer to upset the people at their funeral or see them happy? I would suspect the latter. Admittedly the deceased would probably not see you happy at the funeral - if so, one should potentially be questioning the need for a funeral in this particular circumstance - but by the same token, they can't recognise your grief either.
Of course, there are certain social niceties to be upheld, and failing to openly display your grieving for the deceased is absolutely frowned upon. At the very least it would be seen as somewhat cold, and at worst people may suspect that your lack of 'genuine' grief means you never cared about the deceased in the first place. Even worse, you could be suspected of being somehow involved in the death - after all, that seems to be the mode of identifying the killer in most British detective shows.
Not that this means after the death of a loved one we necessarily spend all our days dressed in black, refusing to come out of our room. For while we can't seem to be coping too well, there is a certain expectation that we will 'get on with our life' after this initial grieving period. Moreover, people simply don't have the emotional energy to give a rat's tossbag about the fact that your wife was struck down by a rare tropical disease in the prime of her life.Tropical disease? Come on... I mean, have you seen the price of fuel lately? There are many people who are simply wasting their lives away, dreaming of what it would be like to contract a tropical disease!
Seriously though, why can't we take a leaf out of Monty Python's book and "look on the bright side of death?" If the reason we must be so sad at funerals is to 'honour the memory' of the deceased, I can tell you that we are wasting our time. Firstly, they are dead, so regardless how much we may eulogise and smooth over their faults, it means absolutely nothing to them. Secondly, if they are anything like my nanna was before she died, their memory is probably not worth honouring in the first place.
In light of this, I would like to propose 3 ways to brighten up your funeral and give your nearest and dearest a good laugh on your way out.
1. THE PANTS-OPTIONAL FUNERAL
Title pretty much speaks for itself on this one.
2. THE SWITCH
Have someone unscrew top of casket and replace body with 1 x clown and 1 x chicken, to be released at a suitably solemn moment in the service.
3.THE 'LAZARUS' FUNERAL
Carefully plan to stage your own death towards the end of March and arrange to have funeral on April 1. Then, just as your elderly mother comes to pay her respects to the casket, jump out and yell "haha, April fools!"
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